Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
