you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
