if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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