oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
