Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
