I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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