I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
