you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
