Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
