I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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