At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
where are my eyebrows?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
