I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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