my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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