I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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