he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my shit smells like andre
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
