I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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