Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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