I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was born a porn star she said
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
