the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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