My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
