I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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