yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
