he was CRYING into my vagina
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
