ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
