Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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