it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
