K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
