The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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