The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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