Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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