Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
