Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we're making bets on your personal life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
