im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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