i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
