There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
