I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
