Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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