Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
