Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
