somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
