I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
