shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
