It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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