i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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