she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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