I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
