its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just high enough for therapy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
