you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
