my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
