so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
