woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
