I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
