If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
