I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
