hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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