I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
