I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
