I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
