You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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