I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
