maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
