i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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