I wanna passion pit in your ass
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
