my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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