Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want to be your penis for a week.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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