Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
