toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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